Whose Approval You Crave, Whose Slave You Become

Do you ever struggle with social anxiety? Why do we feel nervous around strangers or when speaking in public? Some people rehearse their speeches three times in their heads, terrified of making mistakes. Others genuinely enjoy being alone, yet fear coming across as antisocial, so they force themselves into crowds. At its core, this is fear of how others perceive us — and that is the core experience behind the phrase “Hell is other people”.

“Hell is other people” comes from Jean‑Paul Sartre’s play No Exit. Three characters die and are locked in a room with no physical torture. They eventually realise that endless mutual judgement, blame, doubt, humiliation and surveillance are the most inescapable torment. Hence the famous line: “Hell is other people.”

This quote should not be oversimplified to mean that all other people are evil. It carries deeper philosophical meaning.

In Sartre’s existentialist philosophy, human beings are active subjects. Yet when we fall under the gaze of others, our freedom is threatened. We turn into an object in another person’s field of vision. We lose our original freedom and become something that can be defined, judged and manipulated. Once you realise you are being observed, you cease to be purely yourself.

Here is an example. One day I sat on an almost‑empty bus. Thinking I was the only passenger, I talked to myself and made some ungraceful gestures, thoroughly enjoying myself. Then I suddenly looked up and noticed someone had been watching my whole “performance”. Instantly I felt ashamed and embarrassed. But why? I had done nothing wrong or harmful.

From Sartre’s perspective, this happens because we have become an object for another person. Under another’s gaze, we lose ourselves. The playful, carefree version of myself is reduced to some “lunatic” rambling and behaving improperly in public — and there is little I can do about it.

Being objectified under others’ eyes can erode your sense of self. You start adjusting yourself according to other people’s opinions. Suppose someone casually remarks, “You are the funniest person in our class.” Subconsciously you start to believe this is who you are. Sometimes you deliberately act humorous to live up to that expectation. Over time you lock yourself into that identity and stop exploring other sides of yourself. Such is the invisible cage built by other people’s evaluations and gazes.

It is worth noting that this does not mean we should reject other people entirely. What Sartre meant is: we ought not to surrender ourselves voluntarily and become an object defined by others’ judgements.

Sartre stated: “Existence precedes essence.” We shape who we are through our free choices. When we rely too heavily on outside approval, we hand our power of choice over to others and lose ourselves. The play No Exit illustrates this powerfully. If you are interested, you can read the script. It gives you a profound sense of why other people can inflict mental and spiritual torment.

“Hell is other people” serves as a reminder: in our relationships, we should shift away from being defined by others toward self‑definition. Do not let other people’s opinions chain you. You hold endless possibilities. Define your authentic self through your own choices and actions. Break the mental cage constructed by others, and embrace your authenticity and freedom.

The real hell is not other people. It is the self that willingly abandons freedom and submits to the gaze of others. That is the philosophical truth behind “Hell is other people”.